hihihoho

hi. i wish i were a boy. if you know what i mean. this tummy ain't good to me. damn! :( have just finished the placement test at college. well i think i won't pass the test. lame me for being so stupid hiks. lazy to read the reading so i circled randomly. bad at writing and the whole sentences were so disordered. why am i so bad at tenses? used to be always truant from course and i regret now.
i'm so confused by work and college. mom keep telling me to prepare everything for college while i'm so sick being at home all day long,get nothing to do and i do really want to work. earn some money by myself. show that i'm autonomous already lol. feel kinda bored like now,just lazying in front of lappie for hours. sleep late and wake up late everyday. somehow i should enjoy it while i can hoho. cyaaa!


"don't cry bcause it's over,smile bcause it happened."


"in three words i can sum up everything i've learned about life,it goes on."




"life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."
ignore the cream aight! :p

vanity teen

hello. aiming to get tanner skin yet totally burnt. currently my skin is so pathetic,reddish and sore. rub hazeline on my face everyday before it's getting worse. suddenly i miss school,friends,all those fun moments. miss wearing uniforms. been few months i didn't touch any stationery,books and now i can barely write lol. researching chiko's photos and here are my favorites. idk what to type anymore,some quotes will describe things out,byeeee


"i thought i could start over. but actually there's no starting over. no matter where i go,whatever i do,my past seems to follow me."


"i've been acting like i'm okay,but i'm not. they say it's a broken heart......but i hurt in my whole body."


"you say i always bet against you. not this time. i'm all in."


"just because i give up doesn't mean i don't love you."

kick the woebegone

hi. life is prettay with foods. i eat too much everyday though i realize it's not good for my flank. yes i've been over-greedy for a week. some said that i'm lucky. i eat whatever and whenever i want to. no need to worry about my weight. don't need to think and get stressed of diet schedule. don't need to do exercise to sink potbelly. eat like a hog monster and gain no weight. but i don't wish any for being like this. i still wonder where the hell were all the foods which had been swallowed? no answer,as always hahaha.
now i know that i shouldn't put my happiness based on my expectation. bcause when unpredictable things come and ruin everything you've expected,they will seize your happiness away with them,in a time. i hope i can take mine back even it should take long times :)
anyway,someone has sent me text about "how to reach happiness". 10 points to go:

1. release all the apprehensives & all the fears
2. throw revenge word away
3. stop complaint
4. finish problems one by one
5. don't bring your problems to sleep
6. don't mind others' business
7. live the present not the past
8. be a good listener & learn from others
9. think positive
10. plant thankfulness

they're all quite difficult to be done,seriously? July is waiting,no wishing lists,just be a better month than this naughty June. i also hope that i really end my status for being an unemployment,very soon. somehow i can feel deadly bored,passing my days through eating and sleeping. i hope everything will be heavenly much better and maybe ...? quite impossible but yes i hope so :)

"all the art of living lies in a fine mingling of holding on and letting go."

"it's not the goodbye that hurts,but the flashbacks that follow."

a tale to remember

hi. i was dumbfounded by those remarks. i just feel so wow to people who have the heart to tell out kind
of those harsh remarks. all things they did and said were just a sham. the most dulled action in this whole
world is lying. whoever you lying to,in truth you're lying to yourself. it won't affect others,you deprave yourself anyway. truly right,isn't it?☺
i know i've typed about this for times but now i make a changing. i used to call it as a sweetdream but not again. let's change it with murderingdream :( i keep dreaming over the same things continuously. the worst feeling ever,each morning,when you're awake.
em idk how long those things keep stucking in my mind but i don't want to force myself to chase them away. i know it won't work and just waste my energy.what i should do now is learning how to keep everything just for myself. it's not about what i didn't feel yet what i didn't show. and some people should learn how to be responsible of what they've promised. what people really need is only one,to be needed. idk what's going on with everyone,silly!
actually i got so many things to type but i should realize this is onlineeee. so,some of the things i should keep them up. i've gotten so many things which has taught me yet i need to learn more more and more.
wish everyone have a good day! ☺


"when bad things happen,the lesson is to not let it change your heart."


"people will forget what you said,people will forget what you did,but they will never forget how you made them feel."

dumb enough

 hi. how's life? mine is totally messed and ruined. idk what had happened anymore. my wish hasn't been granted yet. things getting worse each day. why? why me? why it happened to me? why should be me? no one can answer my question. yes,no one can help me out. no one can cheer me. everything goes fucked up. idc what people said abt me. you think i'm not tired of being hubbub like this? i just wish i could improve what i've ruined. my sorry can't heal anything.....so lol -.-

sickening away

hi. everything seems so wrong. both sweetdream and nightmare were sickening me away. it's just happened in dream and i only can have that truly wide smile through it. smiled when i was dreaming and weeped when i was awake. yes it's exist in my sweetdream only. never thought that it could be like this. never imagined. no one can guess out the things.
my whole body is recovered already from the painful of walking too much in four days. skipped hollywood farewell part and had a short holiday at spore. i was dull messed bcause my ipod's screen is CRACK. you have no idea how i was ruined when i saw the crack :'(
em,my brain finally can work and i can think about maturity things a bit. slowly but sure. well,i think it's been more than enough. 17 years leaning on people around and i'm tired of being called "anak mami". time to stand up by self and show them that i can be one till people who ever spurned me will lick and clean up their own mouth lol,byeee.

regrettably

so fucked up. a precious one minute. 7 minutes are bloody hell null-never exist. one minute only,how pathetic you know,sigh!
did instrospection to myself in the midnight. interrogate myself,take apart of everything i've ever did this long. and hell,why does regret always come late? people always like that. when everything has been messed up,they rethink what they've done and regret. feeling so dumb. why i didn't rethink before i did those things? finally  found the exact answer. ain't that i'm not an understanding people. but i wasn't so. way too childish at that time,too selfish. wanted to be understood but didn't want to understand. that was so me. some people are way too coward to admit their bad. try to have the guts to admit. you will always think you're right instead of admitting. problems do really change people's mind,be more mature than before. i do really know,i don't need efforting to change bcause i'm already so,indeed. the most regrettably is why i didn't do that from the first? 


marshmallow is missing jelly,so bad

mystical dream

hi. i'm so sleepy yet i can't really fell asleep. got nightmare these lately. i often dreamt kind of it but i never felt like this before. keep dreaming over the same thing,the stories go on and way like it's trying to gimme clue or tell me something. i know it's kinda dumb but there's something that make me feel this way. i can't even think logically,oh gosh! well. am i that pretty cool? have been trying to trashed everything and this feeling away,far away from my mind. seemingly it will accompany me every night. how loyal aight! it screwed me to inner like really and my feeling get something called queer now. does the story in my dream really happen,will happen or have happened? actually,the less i give a fuck the happier i will be. but the problem is....

8th june

june,the month when everything started. simple hello which fell me deeply till today. simple praise for my crazy cover video,simple joke,everything was so simple and all those simple were effected me successfully. time passed quickly and it's been a year already.
kay let's say that last day was totally not my day,so suffered. cramp was visiting my belly and i felt like i'd be end. can't even walk and sit. laid in bed all day long. 2 pills of painkiller finally brought me back to life lol. i wish i were born as a boy. flashback tons of moments today. i have nothing more to type,so byebye cramp!

greedy greedy

helloooo! beginning of june,so far so good. i hope it will stay like this or more? kay i know i'm not able to ask more than this. but hoping isnot wrong,right? actually there're so many things inside me which haven't been poured out. yet i don't get any chance to. so sad right? no,more than a sad,so fuckin sad exactly. i miss how i was able to tell everything that was on my mind. pretending ain't a good idea,really,it won't work. it suffers myself. i do this bcause i'm fuckin forced. neither of the choices can be well-choosed. anyway,forgive me for using filthy words for times. i think i need to stop typing before they fill this post. i have no idea what i kinda feel. the only thing i feel is i'm so greedy these days. yeyyyy,5kg to go. seeya!


these photos were taken months ago☺