6 Jul 2014

life is ever changing

so hi hi! im kind of being so random lately. life has turned a lot better than i ever imagined. lucky to have good people around me, and also the one who could put a smile back on my face, emits the good vibes to me. pretty glad of everything tho! maybe its right, when u lost sth, there will be better thingy will come to u :D

*. What are your nicknames? What do you prefer to be called?
- Ceha, ketrin. however i prefer to be called with my origin name.

*. What do you do if you can't sleep at night?
- put my headseat on, close my eyes and start to imagine how i expect things turn out

*. When making an entrance in to a party, do you make your presence known? Do you slip in and look for someone you know? Do you sneak in quietly and find a safe spot to roost?
- im pretty easily get awkward, so i kind of looking for someone i know and find a spot where i can stand safely :p

*. How many times a day do you look at yourself in the mirror?
- well, i don't really pay so much attention on how i look, so.....

*. What is the strangest thing you believed as a child?
- i should finish my meal cleanly, the cleaner my plate, the lesser freckles on my future husband's face later :p

*. Which animals scare you most? Why?
- no doubt, lizard

*. Are you more likely to avoid conflict or engage it head-on?
- well it depends on what its about

*. What was the most recent compliment you've received and savoured?
- lol someone said im kind of fierce being but i do have a kitty heart hahaha! but..wait, is it compliment or...?

*. What is something about yourself that you hope will change, but probably never will?
- my weight :(

8 Jun 2014

548 days

12th of June, oh hi. finally we meet again, twelve. you are still my favorite date, even a lot of hidden and untold jag, heaps of unwanted hap happened, i can't lie, you are still able to put smile on me, give me slight of support and energy this morning, like you used to do, twelve.
have been going thru the shockingly hard time. like one big black hole. after it pulls you in, you can't get out. so, you spend countless nights crying yourself to sleep. you spend days in your room, you feel like doing absolutely nothing. you're constantly hoping that things will get better, but also wondering if they actually will. and the worst part? when you finally start to get better, it pulls you back in. you crash harder than before. so scary isn't it?
i keep blaming myself for every single thing i have done. but then i realize running away from problems is a race i'll never win. some people come into my lives to light it up, giving it so much meaning whilst making me smile. should be grateful of everything tho. it's been a long time ago since i was thankful and gave off something positive.
i am so into philosophy of life currently, i can spend hours to read them now. i was like can't believe finally i can use my time into something positive and useful while i've been wasting too much time on scrubby thingy and gadget like seriously i didn't really do anything on it. which was totally such a dud. i need to inject a lot of positive things inside me. i should own up all bad attitudes, learn from them and verily do hard to totally change. nothing is ever too late! bumped into Benjamin B's saying "our lives are defined by the opportunities, even the ones we missed." well, i realize i can't change what i was but i can change what i am now. no matter how many mistakes i have made or how slow i progress, i am still way ahead of everyone who isn't trying anyway ;)
  •  if you really want to do something, you will find the way. if you don't, you will find an excuse
  • never do something permanently foolish just bcause you're temporarily upset
  • you can learn great things from your mistakes when you aren't busy denying them
  • there isn't anything noble about being superior to another person. true nobility is in being superior to the person you once were 
  • if you expect the world to be fair with you bcause you are fair, you're fooling yourself. that's like expecting lion not to eat you bcause you didn't eat him
  • the best way to appreciate something is to be without it for a while
  • the whole purpose of engaging in the practice of patience is to become stronger in mind, stronger in heart
  • if you're searching for that one person that will change your life, take a look in the mirror!
  • if you don't think every day is a good day, just try missing one
  • have a heart that never hardens, a temper than never tires and a touch that never hurts
  • the main key to happiness is, be honest with yourself, let your heart be your guide
should start to love myself first then i'll be able to love other well, chase negative thingy away and be the most positive being i could be. and i do really need to sow the word of "patience" to myself. while the main point of patience is not just the ability to wait but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.
it's funny how life could give you thousands reason to smile and cry at the same time. "for a while" is a phrase whose length can't be measured. especially by the person who's waiting. the hardest part isn't abt the waiting, but the uncertainty is.

some people may hurt you, but all you really need to do, stop blaming them and not supposed to hurt them back, instead of trying to understand their position. there comes a point when they hurted you, probably they just didn't know what they were doing. i keep telling this to myself everytime i think of something that hurted me enough. always try to put yourself in the other's shoes. if you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.
some should really understand and take every single word of their promise seriously as well, most don't understand when they make it. it might be nothing for you, but might be everything for them. sometimes even just a promise you don't fulfill, could totally ruin and affect their life. the impact even never crossed in your mind.
and never ever judge and take a conclusion by yourself, it's so unfair when it comes to the wrong conclusion you have made by your own. you can never understand how it feels like, when people have tried their best, willing to take the highest risk for you, willing to give their last air for you to breath, they died  for you, and you're just like "i'm not taking responsible of you, cause you're the one willing to let me have your last air", while you leave and stride over their clod hoping sth better for your own to live in the future and you don't even think abt their cup at all. 
one thing i realize, all the hardest, coldest people i meet were once as soft as water and that's the tragedy of living. and sometimes the only thing you could do now is just do the very best you could do, and having a faith :)

waiting hurts, so does forgetting. but not knowing which decision to take, sometimes can be the most painful.


every love story is beautiful, but ours will always be my favorite. love is you, is still you and will always be you..... 548days

29 Okt 2013


the only thing i'm good at is destroying myself, by:

  1. having a high expectation (they said) 
  2. paying too much attention at one sucked thing that doesn't worth, even just a measly of it
  3. over reacting at haps
  4. do think a lot abt others, always try to yield with some till they forget to do their turn towards me
  5. always have negative feelings of everything
  6. always ends up blaming myself like "i'm always fucking things up, always."
  7. have the feeling of "i didn't really want to kill myself, but i kind of did."
  8. being so often to deal with "it's ok anyway, i'm getting used to it."
  9. my mood swings, i can go from being happy to depressed in a matter of seconds
  10. having to repeat "yeah, i'm fine, just tired" continuously thru out the day
you just can't imagine what's happening inside my head and how my mind works with its way, over thinking of everything which always leads me to be so mad. feeling as a dead who is breathing lately.


6 Okt 2013


for seriously, found two things that burst out the hell of me, a cute logo that suits me so.
and these sentences....


6 Jun 2013

annoying asker

"ur worst day of ur life is when u go to the wrong class period. my worst day of my life is being told i might have cancer. ur worst fear is to be embrassed in front of the whole school. mine is dying without telling people how i really fell and dying regretting something. u complain abt how bad ur food taster. i'm happy i can finally eat and keep it down. i have so many reasons to look at the down side but yet i look at the bright side. u have so many reasons to look at the bright side but yet u look at the down side. u should change that. cause life is a whole lot better looking at the bright side."
these sentences actually mean a lot and someone might say this to me so that i can feel a bit grateful for what i have now and stop complaining thru the days. but yet, people can't ever get satisfied. who to blame then?

31 Mei 2013


got nothing to do and eyes were caught at a random website which explain the phrase of broken-hearted. i found its quite true and funny. so...... here it is








29 Mei 2013

nothing seems right

so hi. i'm in a terribly messed mood. everyone is sickening me off nowadays. people around me are like transforming into a flock of irritating beings, no exception. everything i do, whatever i say, they seem like something which are smelled so icky. those nights where i have second thoughts about everything and nothing feels right anymore. when nothing seems enough, when the world feels like its falling apart, when i feel no one there. what a pathetic life i'm living in, so yeah i hope my parents will stop deem me as a 5 years old kiddo. big sigh for these days.

the difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug. - Mark Twain

Cute Running Puppy