what should i do?

hiiii! i'm really superb extremely fuckin terribly messed and confused. i was given choices but neither of them can pull me up,none can make me feel any better. kinda hate this situation. it's just like someone is in a saw-trap. if you move forward,you'll be skewed by a broad-bladed knife ; if you move backward,you'll be bowed by tens of poisonous arrow. what will you do if you're in that situation? i don't understand why people want to suffer themselves and lying to their own feelings. what's the purpose? you can tell your brain about this and that,everything you want to,but you can't command anything to your heart. if it's real work,there will be no miserable people in this whole world. people will always feel happy and never know how sad feels like. and i think lying to your own feeling is the most stupid thing people do. right? i've learnt that memories,good or bad,will bring tears and words can never replace feelings. yet there's always someone will care about you without your knowing,so cheers!
kay,it's just my thought anyway. i'm on effort to gain 5 kg,wish me heaps of luck. anyway,i'm so welcoming June. i don't have list of wishes,just please be a good month and everything goes well and fine. see yaaa ☺


here are some random picts i shot. made by my two bros :D

hurt of being blamed

hi! ☺ what people say is right. when you do something good,you'll be only remembered not more than an hour. but when it's turning out wrong,you'll be remembered forever. they even forget to thank and what you get is being blamed. appreciate is hard to do and blaming is the easiest one. you better keep silent till you're chilled. most of the time,words you say when you're in anger will be regreted right hurt others' feeling. think twice before you're going to say and do something. 

lack of feeling

some people are way so selfish. they only mind their own importance,forget the things we have done for them. we're always exist when they need us,but where the hell are they when we need them? they can turn into strangers in sudden and so on. they do whatever they like,whenever they want,without preserving others' feeling. they did wrong - we forgave easily. but when it's our turn? people give to get. yes,that's right and kinda fair. how if you help me then i thank by slapping you in the face? if you can't give as big as what they've given to you,at least you give them a third of it or by appreciating them.
people have feelings. you want to be understood. but there's a time when it's your turn to understand. how i wish it's reversible. they were in the reverse position,treat them the way they did,so they could know and understand how it feels like. appreciate what you have today bcause the time when you realize you've lost them,regret has been too too too late ☺☺☺

owl me

hello. second day of my driving lesson. still being a clumsy. the instructor is a bit sucks anyway.
i looked so messy today,so so sleepless. slept at 5 - woke up at 7,slept again at 8 - woke up at 11. i'm real dying. spent a night long,chatted with my lovely girl,debie ♥.♥ yes,she's the only one i trust the most. i can tell her what i can't to others. she does really understand me. have nothing else to type. em,what summon do you call to a girl who chases boy and could fall in love that quick? quicker than the boredom of a baby with her toy. cheapy-cheapy burger,byeee 

may - twenty two

ok hi. i'm getting terrible each day. woke up at 11,thought it was only 9. read something i called sh!t and it messed me till i got an explanation. felt a bit relieved yet it didn't help too much,sssiigghhh! have any idea about promise? for me,promise is just a promise. it's not more than just 7 letters. how can people trust your new promise if you haven't fulfilled even you've failed  the old one? make it clear then. don't blame the one who made the promise,everyone want to do something better,blame people who trust it so much. i think that someone ain't me?

anyway,my driving lesson will start tomorrow and i don't have any mood to. mom cooked steamboat and it messed me more. used to sit beside me,had quality taim together,chatted,laughter coloured that moment. seems like everything that people do,is so messing me around.

could i just climb to the highest building,have my eyes closed and jump down? kayyy,the time when you feel this blog has no more lifes,no more posts,no more updates,maybe i'm shuffling at heaven right at that time,LOL

so,what will you do if your mind tell you yes about letting go but your heart tell you "no,you lie yourself"?

"No one is ever going to always be there no matter what they promise to you. You just gotta suck it up and accept it." - Hey Arnold

heartace not heartache

so,hi. woke up late today,had my breakfast at 12 - lunch at 4 - with puffy eyes. what a perfect day,sigh. still can't get a well-sleep and i'm going to die very soon if it's longing. listened to some cover songs last night. minemine is still the most favored. scent of the parfume in that box still can be sniffed,i wish it won't fade up. wondering how can some people are way so good in keeping their feelings inside and they're bear to in faking theiracts,like ignoring. sometimes,the way that you think is the best ain't be so,even it can be the worst.

anyway,my phone's touchless now. idk i should be happy or sad bcause my battery has been healed from its leaky. kay i think i should stop typing before......hmm,bye. MYlots :(

"it hurts me seeing a girl cry. i want to comfort her as long as i can or i'll end up crying too." - Zayn Malik

how if all man could act like that sentence?

maturity needed

hello hello. i dreamt abt something sweet last night but totally in the wrong time,sigh. let the time heals everything. mom taught me that we shouldn't put any blame to anyone. learn from the mistakes we did. appreciate the good things what people have done to us. yes,she's always that fair. who never get hurt? everybody does and so do i. learning not to blame other. we don't have to forget or hate them. we just need to keep the feeling for ourselves. you won't ever can hate or forget them,moreover they've ever taken places in your life. people can change that quick. why not? season does change. it rains when it's dry season. forgive all the mistakes they did and thank for all the things they gave. then you don't have to feel any regret,the moments will be a sweet memory. scars remind us of where we've been not where we're going. a mature is not the one who doesn't cry or whining. but the one who can understand people and can hold out the situation. yea,i'm little bit more mature than yesterday,i think :p better we correct ourselves than asking other to be perfect. i've listed my bad habits and will correct them one by one. be mature and life goes on. lysm ☺♥

na na na

hello. just had my hair cut last day. same layer model but different hairstyler. the old one was quit already. yep,no one can hold out for a very long time with pieter,whereas this staff is known well as a patient one. have been his settled customer for years and everyone know all the staff backstab this fussy pieter. who can hold out too long if you're way too excessive? even the most patient people in this whole world have limit of patience. appreciate what you have today before you'll regret tomorrow.

anyway,who adore coward? i bet no one. you better tell out whats on your mind than cowarding in silent and pretending you're eaten by the earth. maybe i'm not supposed to relanted too much. it harmed myself. people become disrespectful. nothing more to type,kbyeee

                                                                       so so messy

different bitch

hello. been rarely post in the night but i do it today bcause i've nothing to do. i think i've successfully changed. transform into a patient bitch,tehee :D currently have been able to relanted. i hope my changing won't harm myself. i'm just too afraid people won't respect me any. just read some of my old posts. oh shit,i do really want to delete all of them very soon yet i'm way too disgusted to check them one by one and read every single letter i've typed. i'm wondering what the hell had happened to me at that time. let's say maybe i was drunk or hangovering while i did it. oke back to the main thing i want to tell. i've been ruining again. idk who's wrong. maybe me? i just need time to be spent with. really crave for quality taim like-oh i swear i will severely appreciate every second of that time. head going to explode soon. thanks for spending your minutes to read my shitty sentences. byeee

messy typescript

when i can get back the missing thing? that question spins around my head. everything has back to normal,again. but i still don't get and feel what i used to feel. something missing and can't be described by letters,words nor sentences. you wanna know what that different thing is? let's change position then. you'll never understand about someone unless you're in their position and feel what they've been feeling those far. try the best to hold on or retreat? maybe i need thing called patience-booster or...? lol it must be kidding me. i'm not that easy giveup-er.

anyway,i read a quote from twitter this morning. it sounds "the only man that can be stolen is the man that wanted to be stolen." simple yet worth being thumbed up. read it for 3 or 4 times and realized something. we shouldn't feel afraid of losing the one we love. if you do really lose it,you should be so thankful. bcause you deserve the other one who better much than the jerk you've losed. megan fox says "hold your head high & your middle finger higher. let him know what he's missing." okay let's make it clear. i'm not telling about someone or whoever so no offense. those messy sentences appear in sudden. have a nice day lovesss♥

random picts.

212 blue

hi hellies. i found myself desperately frustrately so blue. i keep dreaming s-o. some says people whom we dreamt about are people who are missing us. HAHA but i don't think so. i hate people who keep giving tons of reason for thing they did instead of telling the point why they did so. ever heard that most of women choose boys slap them with the bitter truth than caress them with the sweets fake? sth smells like that. and i'm one of those women indeed. i'm not the only one to blame. never thought that things would turn out this way,so strange. and to be honest,i'm missing something. something about 212 days ago 

godverdomme

Are there any relationships you wish could have lasted longer?
- big yes

Has anyone told you they would never leave and left?
- yes and i wish it's true

Can you read other people’s expressions?
- not really

Do you give out second chances?
- i'm so rarely to give it but i've given it to someone :p

Are you in any type of gang?
- no no

Do you think extensions look fake?
- some do.

Who knows your biggest secrets?
- i don't even know what my secret is -.-

Is love worth fighting for?
- depends

Would you rather have your parents walk in on you having sex with the last person you kissed or have them see you smoking weed?
- LOLOLOLOLOL. not both of them!.

What would you do if your ex broke down and told you he loved you?
- idu this question though .

People who can always calm you down?
- no one. i'm so tempramental

Do you think a lot of people think/talk bad about you?
- yes :p

How was today?
- not too bad but not good.

Your ex is at your front door! What do you do?
- what are you doing ha?.

Who was your last text from?
- him indeed :D

Last person you hugged?
- hehehehe :D

When did you last straighten your hair?
- 5 years ago.

Do you know anyone who should not wear tight clothes?
- yes lol

Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
- happier

Today, would you rather go forward a week or back a week?
- forward years!

Are you the type of person who likes to be out or home?
- depends on mood.

If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
- doraemon's pocket please 

Who, out of all your friends, do you trust the most?
- my mom indeed!

Think back to your last kiss; looking back now, was it a mistake?
- i don't think so

If you could only drink one thing for a month, what would it be?
- milk

Honestly, what is your opinion of your last ex?
- ..................................

If you had a plane ticket to anywhere, where would you go?
- Jeju island,Maldives,Paris.

Honestly; are you trustworthy?
- yes i'm

Who’s the last person you had a serious conversation with?
- mom?

Which friend do you miss right now?
- all of them

Where’s your favorite place to get ice cream from?
- refrigerator

Who did you hang out with last?
- him

What is your biggest mistake this year?
- A LOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

If you could go back and redo things with your last ex, would you?
- yessssss.

Your friend hooks up with the last person you kissed..what now?
- bloddie hella

Do you like waking up and having new text messages?
- yesyesyes,sweet one please♥

What’s the first thing that pops into your head when you think of last summer?
- everyday is summer here

Have you ever felt like you literally needed someone?
- yes so often.

Were you single on your last birthday?
- no.

Do you think high school relationships can last?
- no comment.

Who was the last person you talked to in person today?
- mom

Has a boy/girl ever cheated on you?
- no comment.

So, the person you like, their name starts with an M doesnt it?
- no no no

Have you ever thought about getting your tongue pierced?
- lololol no 

Who was the last person you told “I love you” to?
- oh na na na na ♥

How are you feeling?
- fineee

Do you have feelings for anyone?
- yes i do

Will you be in a relationship in the next couple months?
- i don't know hmm?

Are you excited for anything?
- no.

Are you 100% single?
- no comment

Are you a clumsy person?
- not really

Do you wear make up?
- no nooooo

First place you went this morning?
- bathroom

When was the last time you really laughed?
- forget

Were you dating anyone in December?
- .........

Are you happy right now?
- not really

Do you sleep on your stomach?
- sleep on my bed not stomach,moron :p

Will this weekend be a good one?
- how i wish

questions copied from chrestella's ☺

time less

hi loves. last night wasnot a good one for me,slept at 3am and terribly messed :( idk why i'm so moody and emotional. in case,i just want to try to understand people around me. but seems like everything i did was totally in a wrong way. wondering are people getting busier or just me that is so jobless & have tons of time? people are busy with theirs. they have no ttime for me these days. i miss everything used to be. i miss the one who is so patient in facing me and tone down. maybe i'm bad in chilling the awkward situation,but could you mind to appreciate my effort,please? i miss those quality taims. please,someone bring me back to October. i need harder effort to change and to understand people. then,gluck for me! :)

february letter ♥

brokenhearting dream

hello! i eat a lot these lately. i think i'm really getting better. but i kinda feel it will hast its limit. i know i can't feel as good as i were yet better than nothing. i'm waiting for my short holiday vacation on june. i need fresh air to refresh things in my mind. i hate being alone in my room when i don't have anything to do. my mind flies away,flashbacks & imma real a hubbub then. anyway,may i say fuck off? ohyes i just said it. idk whyyyyyy i'm nearly mad & afraid of sleep. i've gotten nightmare for three times in this week. the sensation they made really chopped my heart,brokenhearted. those shitty dreams have successfully broken my heart,am totally nut!