what should i do?

hiiii! i'm really superb extremely fuckin terribly messed and confused. i was given choices but neither of them can pull me up,none can make me feel any better. kinda hate this situation. it's just like someone is in a saw-trap. if you move forward,you'll be skewed by a broad-bladed knife ; if you move backward,you'll be bowed by tens of poisonous arrow. what will you do if you're in that situation? i don't understand why people want to suffer themselves and lying to their own feelings. what's the purpose? you can tell your brain about this and that,everything you want to,but you can't command anything to your heart. if it's real work,there will be no miserable people in this whole world. people will always feel happy and never know how sad feels like. and i think lying to your own feeling is the most stupid thing people do. right? i've learnt that memories,good or bad,will bring tears and words can never replace feelings. yet there's always someone will care about you without your knowing,so cheers!
kay,it's just my thought anyway. i'm on effort to gain 5 kg,wish me heaps of luck. anyway,i'm so welcoming June. i don't have list of wishes,just please be a good month and everything goes well and fine. see yaaa ☺


here are some random picts i shot. made by my two bros :D